homesick.

I just moved; shoved all of my belongings in the back of a U-Haul and drove to a different state that would become my home. And now, three weeks later, I find myself surrounded by everything new and enveloped in a array of emotion.

Part of me is excited; there is an adventure around every corner with so many new things to discover and explore. Part of me wants to pack up everything and move back home where I am comfortable, know my way around and have a plethora of friends to hang out with. I feel homesick yet at home at the same time and it has formed a very uncomfortable dichotomy in my thoughts. How can excitement and anxiety coexist so intensely within my being?

The constant back and forth has encouraged me to take a step back and think. If I chose to move back, what would I be doing it for? The knowns, comforts, the ease of life and the knowledge of my surroundings. But what did I move for? Adventure, the unknowns, and discovery. If I went back, I would be doing the exact opposite of what I actually wanted. So, it leaves me at a pivotal crossroads: give up what I was wanting for the security of comfort or embrace the unknowns and challenges a new place provides itself.

We all want the comfort. The unknowns are scary and us human beings are prone to run back to what we know, even if it isn’t what is best for us. At the same time, we were put on this earth to live and explore, to meet our people and to find ourselves within the unknown. 

So, when it’s scary, don’t turn back. When you feel that unease of the unknown, lean into it. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not permanent. Nothing is permanent. It’s okay to take risks and challenge yourself, and its okay to fail. Don’t let your fear keep you from living. I got this. You got this. We got this.

2 thoughts on “homesick.

  1. Thank you for writing this post! I also just moved to a different state (by myself) and I have been struggling with the same feelings. Thank you for putting it into words and helping me to know I am not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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