I was never the girl who grew up dreaming about her wedding. The only thing I had put any thought into was who would walk me down the aisle if that day were to come. Recently getting engaged (!!), that thought has resurfaced as the wedding date quickly approaches.
I had asked my grandpa when I was younger if he would walk me down the aisle someday. I can still clearly remember his response, his eyes becoming soft and teary, as he whispered “it would be an honor.”
Quite a few years have passed since that simple conversation took place and since then our relationship has drastically shifted. We haven’t seen each other in years and there has been no communication between us. I didn’t think I would ever talk to him again.
But with the power of social media, we were reconnected and recently had a conversation online. I started by telling him that he was missed, he was still family, and although what happened in the past was hurtful, it didn’t mean a current relationship was impossible. However, the response I received was defensive and unfortunately I quickly realized this was a relationship that wasn’t ready to be mended.
I was hurt, but I chose to wish him the best and keep moving forward, hoping that he could see that I was still his granddaughter, still someone who cared about him.
Then I saw his status on social media.
“kinda funny… someone that thought they knew me had actually thought about having me walk her down the aisle.. and she’s “gay”… WTF? I don’t agree with that garbage and never have. She really has no grasp on reality regarding that and me. Yet she’s “known” me for nearly 30 years. I’m telling ya… some people just don’t pay attention.”
I reread those words over and over. They stung, they hurt, and I felt my heart sink as they began to settle in.
But they did not break me.
It’s hard for me to see people so focused on an individual’s sexuality that they refuse to acknowledge the human behind it. They would rather accuse someone of being wrong than to take the time to see a different perspective. They would choose to call a person’s life garbage, instead of recognizing that all people are unique and different.
So from one garbage gay to another, keep pushing forward. Know your life is worthy just because of who you are. You aren’t doing anything wrong, you aren’t out of touch with reality. Find yourself surrounded with those who love you and support you.
They are out there, I am out there, ready to welcome you with open arms.