Some of you have recently reached out asking if I could discuss some of the tools I have used to combat the attachment and isolation issues I have because of my experience with adoption. The tools that work for me may not work for everyone, nothing is a one-size-fits-all. Take my tips and mold them as need be, using them in whatever way that may help you.
Tool #1: Patience.
From a very young age I put the expectation of perfection on myself, equating it to the ability to be loved and accepted by others. It has taken many years of learning to change my self talk to break down that lie. I’m letting myself take risks and fail while continually believing and trusting I’m still loved and accepted.
Tool #2: Time.
It takes time. I am a grown adult and I am still on this path of learning how to have healthy relationships. It doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a lifelong process of rewiring my brain, finding the positive instead of focusing on the negative. It’s remembering to hold onto hope, even when things don’t change immediately.
Tool #3: Trust.
Trust and attachment go hand in hand. The higher ability to trust, the easier it is to attach. I was able to begin to trust when I started to tell my story, instead of keeping it locked away inside. I let others in, opening a door of vulnerability, which resulted in the capability of trust. I am learning to share my emotions, feelings, and story, resting my heart in the hands of others.
Tool #4: Understanding.
People will leave you throughout life, it’s a part of the human experience. If I use the times when people have left me to feed the lie that no one stays and I can’t trust or attach, then those things will continue to be true. But, if I look at the truth that not everyone is meant to always be in my life, then there is a shift in thinking. It’s about learning to hold onto the truth while being able to let go.
Putting these tools into practice throughout the years has helped me to have healthy and secure relationships with others. It was, and is not, an easy journey. The lack of attachment I had so early in life has had a lasting impact and has placed a lot of obstacles in my path. But I’m a believer in the impossible, and know that if we set our hearts and minds to it, we can overcome anything.
So, strap on your tool belt, grab your tools and take care of yourself because that, will change the world.