waiting for the maybe.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being asked where I’m from. There is a widespread understanding that being adopted equates to coming from a country halfway across the world. I was adopted in the same state I grew up in and the same country I was born in. There are children everywhere; every state, every country and every region that are in need of a family, not only from places deemed to be in the developing or overpopulated world.

I’m tired of being told I don’t look adopted. I look like my adoptive parents. We share the same skin tone, same hair color, and I mesh well into the aesthetic of the extended family. I’ve been accused of lying; teachers and friends refusing to believe I am adopted until my parents confronted them with truth. The words, but you’re not black or you’re not from China, have been said, uttered in ignorance, as if adoption means I need to be of a different race than my friends and family.

I’m tired of being pitied. When someone finds out I am adopted, it doesn’t need to be met with an apology as if it was something so horrible. Adoption has had its ups and many downs throughout my journey, but I’m strong and independent. I would rather be given empowerment than be given condolences. I would rather be treated as a human being with a story than as a psychology project.

I don’t want to be tired anymore. It’s why I write and have conversations. It’s why I hope to bring awareness about adoption to those who are not. One post at a time. One conversation at a time. Maybe someday the questions adoptees are asked will look different. Maybe the questions will be posed with genuine interest for the person behind the adoption rather than with intrusive comments and ignorant assumptions. Maybe adoptees will feel more freedom to speak of their stories in absence of judgment and pity.

Until then, I will keep pushing, pursuing a change, and waiting for the maybe.


  1. Never would I have thought there’s so much happening behind being adopted. I don’t really understand the fuss about asking such questions. Everyone should care about themselves.

    1. I hear you, it’s tricky because there’s so much curiosity surrounding adoption. I’m all about having a discussion surrounding the topic, but not always a fan of how the questions are articulated towards me.

      1. I wouldn’t even know what to ask except maybe if you wanna meet your biological parents. It’s one of those topics where if I don’t see it’s a big deal for you, it ain’t a big deal for me either.

  2. Your words are so powerful! Thank you for bravely sharing! We adopted our little girl and people say all sorts of crazy weird sometimes down right rude things. I’m trying to learn to have mercy on them and understand that they are just truly ignorant to all things adoption and don’t know what to say so they end up saying something silly. I’m sorry (not that you were adopted) that people said things like this to you but I am happy to see you are pressing forward and using it for good!

    1. Thank you Myriah! Keep on teaching your daughter what to say, so that she also doesn’t see the comments in anger, but that they are said in ignorance and that she (and you) can help change the way we talk about adoption.

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